Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize