You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
