she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
