you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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