She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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