yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
