My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
