We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
