omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
