The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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