Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
