Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
