Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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