I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
