You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
