All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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