I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a beard to bite.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
