I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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