You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
