so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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