just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
