Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
