I think scott just propositioned me for sex
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
