It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
