hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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