its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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