Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
