so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
