then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
