You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
