I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
