i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
