I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize