I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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