she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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