I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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