I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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