I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
