see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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