I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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