we're blogging at a bar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
