No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize