I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
