and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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