Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
