mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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