He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
