Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
