you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
