Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
