allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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