I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
