yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
