So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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