Umm I'm too high to move.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
