Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
