I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
