I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize