Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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