your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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