so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
