he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
