This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize