Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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