Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
