I hate all girls vehemently.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
