I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
