Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize