I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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