That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
