I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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