If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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