god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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