So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
